About five decades ago, John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and
psychoanalyst observed how young children responded to the temporary
loss of their mothers or primary caregivers. This foundational
observationย led to the development of attachment theory (1969). Bowlby
stated that, through evolution and natural selection, infants have
developed a set of behaviors designed to maintain closeness with
caregivers especially in times of need.ย
Such collective behaviorsย are essential for survival, as they
encourage protective caregiving and emotional supportย in childhood.
Attachment theory emphasizes the significance of a childโs interactions
with their primary caregiver. Such interactions shape a childโs future
views of themselves, close relationships, and their broader
understanding of intimacy and trust. For healthy mental and emotional
development, Bowlby identified a continuous, warm, and nurturing
relationship with a primary caregiver as a key factor.
Through repeated interactions, children form attachment "working
models" with the help ofย mental templates that inform their views of
themselves and their relationships. These models consist of beliefs or
"if-then" scenarios about the behavior of attachment figures (Baldwin,
1992; Baldwin, Fehr, Keedian, Seidel, & Thomson, 1993). For example, a
kid might develop an expectation that if they are upset, they can turn
to a caregiver for comfort and support. These working models play a
significant role in how people perceive and interpret social
interactions, often reinforcing the expectations they already
hold.
Anxious attachment is characterized by a sense of uncertainty about
whether attachment figures will be consistently available (Cassidy &
Berlin, 1994). This attachment style tends to develop in children who
receive inconsistent care from their caregivers, leaving them unsure
about the availability of support, especially in times of distress
(Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978; Cassidy & Berlin, 1994).
Children with anxious-ambivalent attachment often display mixed emotions
toward their caregivers, such as seeking comfort while also showing
signs of frustration and withdrawal.ย
Those with anxious attachment styles have their internal working model
asย hyper-focused on scanning for potential signs of abandonment or
withdrawal from attachment figures, driving them to remain vigilant to
avoid potential loss or neglect (Fraley & Shaver, 2000). Such people
develop attachment
anxiety.
Attachment in Adult Romantic Relationships
Hazan and Shaver (1987) were the first ones to apply attachment theory
to romantic relationships, and since then, research on adult attachment
has flourished. Initially, adult attachment styles were categorized as
either secure, avoidant, or anxious. However, further studies have shown
that attachment in adults is better understood as existing along two
continuous dimensions (Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994; Simpson, Rholes, &
Phillips, 1996).
The first dimension is avoidance. It measures an individual s comfort with closeness and emotional
intimacy. Those who score high on avoidance generally prefer to maintain
emotional distance from their partners and tend to value independence
over relational closeness (Hazan & Shaver, 1994). The second dimension
is
anxiety. Attachment anxiety reflects the extent to which individuals
have fear of rejection and worry about being abandoned by their
partners. People high in anxiety often need constant reassurance to feel
secure.ย
Individuals who are securely attached score low on both dimensions,
indicating comfort with intimacy and low concern about rejection or
abandonment. This framework has enriched our understanding of attachment
as a spectrum, capturing a broader range of experiences in adult
relationships. Those scoring a high on both dimensions have insecure
attachment.ย
Anxious Attachment and Relationship Processes in Adulthoodย
Highly anxious adults tend to develop a negative self-image while
holding a positive yet insecure attachment or view of their attachment
figures (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Fraley & Shaver, 2000;
Mikulincer, Shaver, Bar-On, & Ein-Dor, 2010). They often crave emotional
dependency, closeness, support, and reassurance from romantic partners
(Collins & Read, 1990). When distressed, these individuals may increase
their challenges, become preoccupied with fears of abandonment, and
experience intense negative emotions (Mikulincer & Florian, 1998).
In simpler words, attachment theoryย provides valuable insights into
how early relationships shape our future bonds. Anxious attachment
style, , describes how individualsย experience insecurity in
relationships, desiring intimacy yet fearing rejection. Anxious
attachment style, refers to preoccupied attachment and is characterized
by a deep need for closeness and reassurance, coupled with fear of
rejection. Individuals with this attachment style often
experience:
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A constant need for validation and approval
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Heightened sensitivity toย
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Rejection
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Criticismย
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Signs of withdrawal
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Emotional dependency
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Highs and lows in relationships
Anxious attachment style often begins in childhood. Bowlbyโs research
suggests that inconsistent parenting alternating between responsiveness
and emotional unavailability can create anxiety in the child. These
early interactions shape their expectations of future
relationships.
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Inconsistent parenting: Caregivers who are unpredictably available
create uncertainty in the child, leading to heightened vigilance for
signs of rejection or withdrawal.
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Separation anxiety: A child whose needs are intermittently met may
become anxious when separated from their caregiver, fearing they may
not return.
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Trauma and neglect: Early exposure to traumatic events or emotional
neglect can also contribute to the development of anxious
attachment.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxious Attachment
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Overthinking
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Overanalysis
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Clinginessย
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Dependency
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Abandonment issuesย
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Jealousy
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Greater distress
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Anxiety
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Impulsiveness in their social interactions
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Experience stronger negative emotions in their romantic
relationships
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Less satisfied with the self-disclosures
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Have sex to reduce insecurity
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Low self-efficacy
The Impact of Anxious Attachment on Relationships
Anxious attachment can have profound effect on romantic and other close
relationships:
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Emotional instability: Constant anxiety can lead to emotional highs
and lows. Anxiously attached individuals may experience great joy
when they feel loved and intense despair when they feel
ignored.
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Communication challenges: They may struggle with expressing their
needs clearly, leading to misunderstandings. Often, they may resort
to indirect communication or become overly emotional when discussing
their fears.
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Push-Pull dynamics: Their fear of abandonment may cause them to
cling too tightly to their partner, which can drive the partner
away, reinforcing the anxious individual s fear of rejection.
There are several benefits of knowing and learning about your
attachment styles:
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Increase in self-awareness: Noticing an anxious attachment style
can help individuals understand their emotional triggers, their
fears, andย also their behaviors in romantic relationships. This
self-awareness is good for growth and healthy connections.
-
Improvement in relationship dynamics: With understanding of anxious
attachment, individuals can identify when they are acting out
because of abandonment issues. This then allows them to communicate
needs more openly and reduce misunderstandings with partners as well
as lowering relationship fears and working on trust issues.
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Better with emotional regulation: Understanding anxious attachment
provides a foundation for managing intense emotions, helping
individuals to process
anxiety
without overwhelming themselves or their relationships.
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Increaseย in empathy: Being aware of our attachment styles
increases empathy for oneself and others. Knowing that a particular
behavior stems from past experiences fosters compassion and reduces
judgment in relationships.
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Reduced jealousy and insecurity: By identifying and addressing
attachment-related insecurities, individuals can work to build trust
issues in their relationships, lowering jealousy and
dependency.
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Stronger problem solving skills: Understanding anxious attachment
promotes healthier communication and conflict resolution, as
individuals learn to express concerns without resorting to defensive
or clingy behaviors.
Treatment Options for Anxious Attachment style
Fortunately, anxious attachment is not permanent, and there are several
treatment options available:
1. Therapy:ย
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Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps individuals challenge
irrational beliefs related to abandonment and rejection, reducing
anxiety.
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Attachment-Based Therapy: Focuses specifically on repairing
attachment wounds and fostering secure attachment patterns in
current relationships .
2. Mindfulness and self-compassion: These practices help individuals
stay grounded in the present and manage their emotional reactions,
reducing the likelihood of overreacting to perceived slights .
3. Healthy relationship building: Learning to set boundaries and
communicate needs openly can improve relationship quality and reduce
anxious attachment behaviors and remove relationship fears.
4. Inner child work: By addressing unresolved emotional needs from
childhood, individuals can heal the wounds that contribute to their
anxious attachment style.
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