Anxious Attachment Style

About five decades ago, John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst observed how young children responded to the temporary loss of their mothers or primary caregivers. This foundational observation led to the development of attachment theory (1969). Bowlby stated that, through evolution and natural selection, infants have developed a set of behaviors designed to maintain closeness with caregivers especially in times of need.

Such collective behaviors are essential for survival, as they encourage protective caregiving and emotional support in childhood. Attachment theory emphasizes the significance of a child’s interactions with their primary caregiver. Such interactions shape a child’s future views of themselves, close relationships, and their broader understanding of intimacy and trust. For healthy mental and emotional development, Bowlby identified a continuous, warm, and nurturing relationship with a primary caregiver as a key factor.

Through repeated interactions, children form attachment "working models" with the help of mental templates that inform their views of themselves and their relationships. These models consist of beliefs or "if-then" scenarios about the behavior of attachment figures (Baldwin, 1992; Baldwin, Fehr, Keedian, Seidel, & Thomson, 1993). For example, a kid might develop an expectation that if they are upset, they can turn to a caregiver for comfort and support. These working models play a significant role in how people perceive and interpret social interactions, often reinforcing the expectations they already hold.

Anxious attachment is characterized by a sense of uncertainty about whether attachment figures will be consistently available (Cassidy & Berlin, 1994). This attachment style tends to develop in children who receive inconsistent care from their caregivers, leaving them unsure about the availability of support, especially in times of distress (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978; Cassidy & Berlin, 1994). Children with anxious-ambivalent attachment often display mixed emotions toward their caregivers, such as seeking comfort while also showing signs of frustration and withdrawal.

Those with anxious attachment styles have their internal working model as hyper-focused on scanning for potential signs of abandonment or withdrawal from attachment figures, driving them to remain vigilant to avoid potential loss or neglect (Fraley & Shaver, 2000). Such people develop attachment anxiety.

Attachment in Adult Romantic Relationships

Hazan and Shaver (1987) were the first ones to apply attachment theory to romantic relationships, and since then, research on adult attachment has flourished. Initially, adult attachment styles were categorized as either secure, avoidant, or anxious. However, further studies have shown that attachment in adults is better understood as existing along two continuous dimensions (Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994; Simpson, Rholes, & Phillips, 1996).

The first dimension is avoidance. It measures an individual s comfort with closeness and emotional intimacy. Those who score high on avoidance generally prefer to maintain emotional distance from their partners and tend to value independence over relational closeness (Hazan & Shaver, 1994). The second dimension is anxiety. Attachment anxiety reflects the extent to which individuals have fear of rejection and worry about being abandoned by their partners. People high in anxiety often need constant reassurance to feel secure.

Individuals who are securely attached score low on both dimensions, indicating comfort with intimacy and low concern about rejection or abandonment. This framework has enriched our understanding of attachment as a spectrum, capturing a broader range of experiences in adult relationships. Those scoring a high on both dimensions have insecure attachment.

Anxious Attachment and Relationship Processes in Adulthood

Highly anxious adults tend to develop a negative self-image while holding a positive yet insecure attachment or view of their attachment figures (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Fraley & Shaver, 2000; Mikulincer, Shaver, Bar-On, & Ein-Dor, 2010). They often crave emotional dependency, closeness, support, and reassurance from romantic partners (Collins & Read, 1990). When distressed, these individuals may increase their challenges, become preoccupied with fears of abandonment, and experience intense negative emotions (Mikulincer & Florian, 1998).

In simpler words, attachment theory provides valuable insights into how early relationships shape our future bonds. Anxious attachment style, , describes how individuals experience insecurity in relationships, desiring intimacy yet fearing rejection. Anxious attachment style, refers to preoccupied attachment and is characterized by a deep need for closeness and reassurance, coupled with fear of rejection. Individuals with this attachment style often experience:

• A constant need for validation and approval

• Heightened sensitivity to 

  • Rejection

  • Criticism 

  • Signs of withdrawal

• Emotional dependency

• Highs and lows in relationships

Anxious attachment style often begins in childhood. Bowlby’s research suggests that inconsistent parenting alternating between responsiveness and emotional unavailability can create anxiety in the child. These early interactions shape their expectations of future relationships.

1. Inconsistent parenting: Caregivers who are unpredictably available create uncertainty in the child, leading to heightened vigilance for signs of rejection or withdrawal.

2. Separation anxiety: A child whose needs are intermittently met may become anxious when separated from their caregiver, fearing they may not return.

3. Trauma and neglect: Early exposure to traumatic events or emotional neglect can also contribute to the development of anxious attachment.

Signs and Symptoms of Anxious Attachment

• Overthinking

• Overanalysis

• Clinginess 

• Dependency

• Abandonment issues 

• Jealousy

• Greater distress

• Anxiety

• Impulsiveness in their social interactions

• Experience stronger negative emotions in their romantic relationships

• Less satisfied with the self-disclosures

• Have sex to reduce insecurity

• Low self-efficacy

The Impact of Anxious Attachment on Relationships

Anxious attachment can have profound effect on romantic and other close relationships:

1. Emotional instability: Constant anxiety can lead to emotional highs and lows. Anxiously attached individuals may experience great joy when they feel loved and intense despair when they feel ignored.

2. Communication challenges: They may struggle with expressing their needs clearly, leading to misunderstandings. Often, they may resort to indirect communication or become overly emotional when discussing their fears.

3. Push-Pull dynamics: Their fear of abandonment may cause them to cling too tightly to their partner, which can drive the partner away, reinforcing the anxious individual s fear of rejection.

There are several benefits of knowing and learning about your attachment styles:

• Increase in self-awareness: Noticing an anxious attachment style can help individuals understand their emotional triggers, their fears, and also their behaviors in romantic relationships. This self-awareness is good for growth and healthy connections.

• Improvement in relationship dynamics: With understanding of anxious attachment, individuals can identify when they are acting out because of abandonment issues. This then allows them to communicate needs more openly and reduce misunderstandings with partners as well as lowering relationship fears and working on trust issues.

• Better with emotional regulation: Understanding anxious attachment provides a foundation for managing intense emotions, helping individuals to process anxiety without overwhelming themselves or their relationships.

• Increase in empathy: Being aware of our attachment styles increases empathy for oneself and others. Knowing that a particular behavior stems from past experiences fosters compassion and reduces judgment in relationships.

• Reduced jealousy and insecurity: By identifying and addressing attachment-related insecurities, individuals can work to build trust issues in their relationships, lowering jealousy and dependency.

• Stronger problem solving skills: Understanding anxious attachment promotes healthier communication and conflict resolution, as individuals learn to express concerns without resorting to defensive or clingy behaviors.

Treatment Options for Anxious Attachment style

Fortunately, anxious attachment is not permanent, and there are several treatment options available:

1. Therapy: 

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps individuals challenge irrational beliefs related to abandonment and rejection, reducing anxiety.

• Attachment-Based Therapy: Focuses specifically on repairing attachment wounds and fostering secure attachment patterns in current relationships .

2. Mindfulness and self-compassion: These practices help individuals stay grounded in the present and manage their emotional reactions, reducing the likelihood of overreacting to perceived slights .

3. Healthy relationship building: Learning to set boundaries and communicate needs openly can improve relationship quality and reduce anxious attachment behaviors and remove relationship fears.

4. Inner child work: By addressing unresolved emotional needs from childhood, individuals can heal the wounds that contribute to their anxious attachment style.