As a parent, discovering that your child is a bully can be a difficult and
worrying experience. Bullying can have serious consequences for both the
bully and the victim, and it s important to take action to address the
situation. In this article, we ll explore ten things you can do as a parent
to help your child stop bullying and learn how to treat others with kindness
and respect.
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Have a conversation with your child and try to understand his/her
perspective of why he/she is bullying. Some children bully because they
have been bullied themselves, some children have underlying issues
(sadness/
anxiety /worries) and externalise this by bullying, etc. There can be
many reasons and having an open conversation with your child about it
will help with uncovering the underlying mechanisms of the bullying.
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Make sure your child knows that all feelings are acceptable but not all
behaviours! And that you won’t tolerate bullying at home, at
school or anywhere else. If the bullying continues after this
conversation, there could be a need for an appropriate consequence such
as a time-out, losing privileges, toys, TV or screen time in general,
etc.
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Work on children’s empathy by asking them how they would feel when
being bullied and how their actions would make other people feel.
Role-taking games can be a good medium for this e.g. role-play where
you, as a parent, pretend to be the child and the child needs to play
the bullied child. When given that role, children often realise more of
the impact their behaviour is having on others.
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Another strategy could be to create a social story about bullying and
read it to your child. This way you enhance their understanding of the
situation and the impacts on the bullied children. You address the topic
however in an indirect way, which can lead to a decreased defensive
reaction and a higher possibility your child will engage in a discussion
about the topic.
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Help your child problem-solve how they can deal with the situation and
change their behaviour. Suggestions can be apologising to the bullied
child and teaching your child what to do in similar future situations.
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Encourage good and pro-social behaviour by rewarding it with positive
praise and compliments, or tokens.
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Children learn through modelling so you, as a parent, can model
pro-social behaviour and set a good example. Teach your kids to treat
others with respect and kindness.
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Keep contact with the school. Inform the teachers and the principal of
the actions you take as a parent regarding the bullying and discuss an
action plan they can put forward at school.
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Ask the teacher to intervene in class and on the playground, promote and
reward pro-social behaviour, and inform children more about bullying
(e.g. addressing it in class as a subject, discussing what actions are
considered bullying and what consequences it can have for the bullied
child?).
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Talk to the parents of the bullied child/children and apologise, show
them you don’t support your child’s actions and try and
problem solve the situation together with them. Maybe the dispute
between your children can be even sorted out outside of school.
In conclusion, being a parent of a child who is a bully can be challenging
and overwhelming. However, by having an open and honest conversation with
your child, creating a safe and empathetic environment, encouraging
pro-social behaviour, involving the school, and reaching out to the parents
of the bullied child, you can make a positive impact on your child’s
behaviour and help prevent bullying from happening in the future. Remember,
bullying is not acceptable, and by taking action, you can help create a
safer and kinder world for all children.