In today s scenario, with an increase in the number of childhood sexual
abuse and rape cases, it has become essential for guardians to talk to their
children about the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch. A
survey showed that one in every two children is a victim of sexual abuse.
Furthermore, one in every five children fears sexual abuse and feels unsafe
(Hindustan times, 2017). It is also essential to talk to children about
sexual identity and sexual development. Children get curious and start
exploring their bodies by touching or rubbing their body parts even the
genitals, at a very young age. These years require appropriate guidance such
as role, safety, and what privacy and private parts mean.
Explain with examples what constitutes safe touch as well as unsafe touch.
You may explain "safe touch" as a way people show feelings of care and
nurturance for each other (like; gentle hugging). Whereas "unsafe touch" is
forced or unwanted (e.g., touching private parts). You can make your child
learn about what is acceptable and what is an unacceptable touch; also that
s/he must retaliate by saying "NO" and inform you (or the teacher if at
school) about any inappropriate or unsafe touches.
Be sure to use the terms safe and unsafe instead of good or bad. This is
important because, if the child is unsafely touched, he or she may
internalize the situation as "I am bad now because I was touched
like this or this happened because I am bad" (Shinde, 2019).
Clear guidelines:
Ensure that the child knows it is not okay for anyone to touch or even have
a glance at their private parts. It becomes easy for children to follow a
rule, and they will recognize a bad touch. You can use the swimsuit rule for
children below seven years to explain private parts (parts covered by a
swimming suit).
Limit media exposure:
Parental control settings are available on almost every device. Be cautious
that children may knowingly or unknowingly discover adult sexual behaviors
through screens. Pornographic content may be shown to a child by peers or
predators in your absence. Ask your child to report this to you if any such
thing occurs.
Using the right words:
Make the children learn real names for all body parts, including the
genitals (like the penis, vagina, breasts, and buttocks). Made-up names may
indicate something wrong and may also make the child curious to find proper
names.
Encourage queries:
Do not refuse to answer the questions of a curious little mind. However,
your answer should depend upon the child s age-ability to comprehend and
maturity.
Handling curiosity:
Do not laugh or mock even if you find the queries are silly. Do not react
aggressively or disgusted. Be sensitive and do not shame the child for
his/her curiosity. Answer the queries clearly using simple words.
Keep it short and simplified:
Do not go into an elaborative explanation. For instance, a pre-schooler
need not know the details of sexual activities or reproduction. All
information shared with the children must be appropriate for their
age.
A big no to forced affection:
Do not ask your child to give hugs or kisses to people if they do not wish
to do so. Be it grandparents, other relatives, or even the parents. It
should be the child s right to tell whether they want or do not want to hug
someone.
Keep reinforcing the idea that their body is their own and they shall
protect it. Also, reassure your children that you will listen to them, trust
them, and will protect them.
Get Started With a Licensed Therapist
Reference
DeYoung, M. (1988). The good touch/bad touch dilemma. Child Welfare, 67(1).
Shinde, S. (2019). A Plea to Use Terms Safe Touch and Unsafe Touch Instead of Good Touch and Bad Touch in Personal Safety Education. Institutionalized Children Explorations and Beyond, 6(1), 86-88.
Hindustan Times. (2017). One in every two children victim of sexual abuse saysthe survey. Retrieved from https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/one-in-everytwo-children-victim-of-sexual-abuse-says-survey/story-spc4MsZTJsmjyrlTZJep7L.html
Praharaj, M. (2018). Awareness of Good and Bad Touch Among Children. i-Manager s Journal on Nursing, 8(2), 1.