The feeling that you will end up alone usually comes when you have tried so hard to settle into a relationship, but it hasn’t gone well for you. This feeling also comes up when you see all your friends find ‘the right one’ which leaves you pondering and in a pool of sadness. A lot of people have been through this phase, so you are not alone in feeling this!
Beginning from late adolescence, our desires build up to find the perfect partner for ourselves. This desire of finding a romantic attachment is a natural and basic human need. Sometimes, our initial relationships or dates do not go as planned and we think to ourselves that we are going to be alone forever. This also develops a negative feeling that we are not meant to be loved and that there are too many flaws within us that hinder us to find our partner.
Ways to overcome feeling of forever Alone:
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Accept yourself- If no one else accepts you, do not take their opinion and stop accepting yourselves too. If a businessman sells his product but not believing in it himself, what are the chances a customer would buy it? “Loving yourself is showing others how to love you”.
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Do not over-criticize. Some amount of criticism is required to push us to do better. However, if we begin to overdo it, feelings of self-hatred surface. These are small steps to feeling good about yourself.
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Engage in activities- Indulge in activities that are pleasurable for you and give you satisfaction. This can help you get distracted from loneliness. Being around people will only reduce your feelings of loneliness for some time. Thus, make a list of the activities you can enjoy all by yourself and channel your energy into something productive.
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Discover like-minded people- Nowadays we have many platforms from where we get to connect with people who share the same interests as you do. This can be a brilliant way to make new friendships and relationships. For instance, if you enjoy cooking, hiking, or perhaps reading books, you’ll find many people who enjoy these activities too and are looking for company too. You can join a few societies/clubs (e.g. book reading club) and gather for socializing.
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Have a change in viewpoint- Often after a few bad dates or relationships, we overgeneralize things such as ‘Women only want good-looking guys’ or ‘Men only want physical relationships’ and ‘The good ones are taken’. Even though we know those sayings are not true, we are forced by ourselves to believe them. You need to let go of such thoughts about others because having them will not help you overcome your fear of being forever alone.
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Relationships don’t define you- It is very important to understand that you have your identity with or without being in a relationship. Do not get yourself into relationships just because you do not wish to be alone. Similarly do not stay in a toxic or bad relationship due to your fear of being single. It will seem perfect in the beginning but will come after you in later years.
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Help others- Ever participated in community volunteering? If you have you’ll understand the inner joy that comes with it. If not, you have to try it out to know! This is a double-win situation. You help people in need with the resources you have or maybe spend some quality time with a few elderly at an old age home. Serving people brings out an indescribable feeling. This will surely make the lonely feelings go away and let in joy and happiness.
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Stop chasing after love- This cannot be emphasized more. Love is surprising and better when found unexpectedly. You simply will not find a true relationship partner if you are greedy for it, because then you will accept the very first person who connects with you. Transform your focus from finding love to expanding your network and friendship.
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Get help from relationship counseling: Relationship counselors can help you overcome the fear of being forever alone. You can sign up for Online Counselling to get therapy from the comfort of your home.
Remember not to base your worth simply on a few events that did not go the way you had planned. Believe you will find someone who matches your interests and accepts you for who you are!
